This blog series is made possible by a grant from the Lilly Endowment, Inc.
“All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors. In our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.” -Fred Rogers
A six-year-old child goes to help a toddler stuck in the Climber. A friend shares their pretend meal in the diner with a friend that has none. A parent helps another family by returning a dropped toy. What all these special moments have in common is compassion, small acts that connect us to one another. We have experienced situations where help from a friend (or stranger) has brought a smile to our faces. These everyday acts of compassion are grown from the ability to understand the feelings of others.
Compassion and Empathy Are Not The Same
Compassion and empathy are very similar, but not the same. Empathy begins with recognizing another person’s feelings. But compassion goes a step further. Compassion happens when understanding feelings leads to comforting actions.
Empathetic behavior starts very young and grows exponentially. For example, infants can ‘catch’ the emotions of others and cry with them. Toddlers are able to point out emotions in others. Children’s capacity for empathy expands as they learn from different perspectives and relate to others. [1] They learn how to show care for others by mimicking the adults around them.
Empathy Blossoms into Compassion.
By toddlerhood, children naturally show signs of compassion by responding to people who are upset. They are more likely to show compassion in situations where they understand what is happening and why help is needed. In one study, 3-year-olds watched an adult become upset after a drawing was ruined. The toddlers not only comforted the adults in the moment but later checked back to see how they were feeling. [2]
Compassion Take Practice
Compassion is layered and requires practice. Compassion relies on empathy, and empathy relies on understanding. Understanding is taught, modeled, and developed over time. Even though early signs of empathy may come naturally, children need guidance, language, and support to become compassionate people. Children notice how the adults around them respond to frustration and mistakes. When you model understanding and thoughtful actions, children learn what compassion looks like in real life. Everyday interactions matter. Take a moment to think about how you are feeling today (empathy) and what small actions you can take to help someone else (compassion).
[1] Shoshani A. The roots of compassion in early childhood: Relationships between theory of mind and attachment representations with empathic concern and prosocial behavior. J Exp Child Psychol. 2024 Jun; 242:105880. Doi: 10.1016/j.jecp.2024.105880. Epub 2024 Feb 17. PMID: 38368743.
[2] Hepach R, Vaish A, Tomasello M. Young children sympathize less in response to unjustified emotional distress. Dev Psychol. 2013 Jun;49(6):1132-8. Doi: 10.1037/a0029501. Epub 2012 Aug 13. PMID: 22889390.
